Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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