can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's blow job season.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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