period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
