All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
