He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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