I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
