Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
