I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
