Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize