Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
