its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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