Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
