Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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