All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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