One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
