oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
