woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
