whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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