He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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