apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
