I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Can I color on your dick again?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
