I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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