Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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