I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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