He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
