ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
