he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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