Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
