matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
