I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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