my phone needs a breathalizer
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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