I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
