Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
