Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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