Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
