oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
