I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
