38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
