remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
