My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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