Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
