It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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