Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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