If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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