Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
