he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
These tits shall not be calmed
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize