That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
