it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
