Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
