Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
