evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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