yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
