apparently the secret to your success is patron
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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