that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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