I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
