Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
