I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
