Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
