my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
