Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
