let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
