She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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