Swine flu is the new snow day.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
